Student living isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. That feeling of freedom quickly turns into dread when you realise you have to do this thing called cooking every day. And what’s washing? That sounds like a lot of effort. But for many, of all the trials and tribulations we students wrestle with every day, it seems there’s one that outdoes them all. That one person that you once wanted to spend every minute of the day with, has become the one you spend every minute of the day trying to avoid: Your so-called friend has become your housemate from hell.
Here are a few examples you might just recognise:
1) The one who borrows money from you and just hopes you’ll forget about it.
We’re students. Our student loan is all we have, so borrow some of it and you’re borrowing part of our souls. Don’t pay us back and we will hunt you down. No exaggeration.
2) The one who smells weird.
They’ll spend the longest in the shower and use all the hot water, yet still emerge looking grubby and smelling worse than when they went in. What even is that? Body odour or gone off milk? Meanwhile, the bath is covered in a thick layer of grime. Maybe I’ll give that shower a miss. I’ll just dab cold water on my face instead…
3) The one who never does any washing up.
That mountain of mouldy dishes will start growing life forms before someone thinks about edging it towards that waterfall of cleanliness that falls from the tap.
God forbid anyone have any cutlery or plates or utensils to cook with. Not even a passive aggressive note will sort this one out.
It’s odd how quickly you adjust to eating your dinner out of a bowl with any form of cutlery available. May I suggest trying a steak knife and a chopstick for a ‘bowl’ of beans on toast. It’s an experience to say the least.
4) The one who thinks it’s okay to eat all your food.
“Oh sorry, I thought that really expensive piece of steak was mine” or “Oh I thought you bought that bottle of French wine for me, oops”.
5) The one who never does any cleaning.
And my Mum thought I was messy! Apparently (or so I’ve heard) some guys think they’re best off living with girls because they’ll have someone ‘to clean up after them’. Nope. Don’t think you’ve got that right. Try again. But rest assured, if they do have an out of body experience and start tidying away all their endless shit, they’ll decide to do it at 2am, the day before an exam, when you’re trying to sleep.
6) The one who plays ridiculously loud music at the most inconsiderate times of the day.
Your music is rubbish and nobody wants to hear it. I will send you passive aggressive texts to get you to turn it down and you will not like it. Deal with it.
Sound familiar to anyone?
If it doesn’t and you’ve managed to avoid these housemate horrors, I applaud you for navigating the mind field of student living successfully and reaching housemate heaven.
But take a minute and feel for those of us who have that one housemate who manages to encompass every types of housemate. How? I do not know but, somehow, they make it possible for you to hate them 6 times over.